Milk Machine

That is what I have become. I am so thankful that I get to breastfeed my little Joleen especially after the difficulty I had trying to breastfeed Rachel. With Rachel I wanted to breastfeed her so badly but when she was put in the nursery for three days and I wasn't able to hold her let alone feed her it set us back. She was only allowed to have an IV those three days so when I finally got to try to feed her she was so hungry that she didn't know how to latch on and got so frustrated that I ended up giving her a bottle of formula. When I did try to feed her the only way that I could get her to latch on was with a nipple shield. After 5 weeks of doing that and feeding her formula too (I wish they didn't tell me to supplement) I gave up on the breastfeeding. I was so scared that I wasn't feeding her enough and I fed up with replacing the shields that I just figured feeding her a bottle would be easier. If I had had the information that I have now and the support that I have now, I think it would have been a different story. So that is why I am thankful to be able to breastfeed Joleen.

Breastfeeding has been an beautiful experience for me and I've only been doing it for a month now. Right after Joleen was born I was able to breastfeed her and she latched right on. It seemed like we knew exactly what to do. I had a nurse there to help me but I had it figured out pretty well. We really haven't had many problems except for the fact that she has a small mouth and sometimes she doesn't latch on completely. When that happens, boy, does it hurt! She just gets the nipple sometimes and it makes me cringe, so I have to break the latch and try again, usually the second time is better.

I knew that breastfed babies need to eat more often than formula fed babies but I was not quite prepared for the first cluster feeding that went with her first growth spurt. I swear all I did was feed her for hours straight! She would finish and not five minutes later she would be screaming like I hadn't fed her yet, hence the feeling of being a milk machine. I had to pump to help relieve some of the pressure that I was getting from being engorged but now if I try to pump I can hardly get any milk out. I do have some milk in the freezer but it's not going to last long. On Sunday nights we go to the bowling alley because Josh in on a league. It's not that I don't feel comfortable feeding in public but that fact that I have to chase Rachel around the whole time we are there. I can't get her to sit down for five minutes let alone 30 to feed the baby so I bring a bottle for her. Once the milk runs out I am going to have to give her formula I guess. Well, we will figure something out when the time comes.

My favorite part about breastfeeding I watching her eat. Seeing how excited she gets to eat and hearing her little gulps just melts me. Knowing that I am the one the is feeding her is just amazing to me! Not only did I get to carry her in my womb but now I still get to care for her by feeding her as well. Just amazing. I am so glad that I get to experience this with Joleen. Even though I didn't get the breastfeeding experience I wanted with Rachel I still am sharing this with her by feeding Joleen. She always says "baby hungry?" when I start feeding her and loves watching me. I truly do love my girls and thank God everyday for them.